I know I said I'd only put the first chapter up but I figure it's my blog and if I can't be self-indulgent here then where can I be self indulgent?
So this is Chapter 2 :-)
Chapter 2
After dropping her son home Lily drove down to Cavendary’s. The nursery was closed but she desperately needed time to think and Cavendary’s had always been her haven.
Lily’s natural eye for beauty was always delighted by the grand Georgian building; all its lines so smooth and all its proportions perfect. The Cavendary building never failed to make Lily smile. She remembered the first time she’d seen it as clearly as someone remembers their first love.
Lily had been married to William Stafford for only one month and she had already tired of playing Lady of the Manor. It was September and she was finding it difficult to come to terms with the harsh Highlands landscape, so different from the soft Wiltshire countryside in harvest season she was used to.
It had been raining the day she had first seen what would become Cavendary’s but Lily had still loved it instantly. All but one of its beautiful windows had been smashed in, the roof was in dire need of repair and ivy was doing serious structural damage but when Lily took William to see it the excitement and passion in her eyes was enough to ensure he bought it and commissioned all the required repairs.
William gave it to her for Christmas restored to its former glory, he hoped that whatever she chose to do with it would allay her boredom and give her the sense of purpose she needed.
When Lily said she was going to open a nursery William had known it was a good idea, Lily loved children and children loved Lily. But even William hadn’t imagined it would be a successful as it was, now in its fifth year Cavendary’s had mothers signing their children up during pregnancy, but despite this Lily insisted on giving priority to children from the locality and on running Cavendary’s at cost. ‘No one should make a profit of children.’ She claimed.
This evening as the first shock mellowed Lily couldn’t believe she hadn’t recognized him. His hair was dark where before it had been bleached and he wore glasses now, but otherwise he was the same man he’d been before down to the same mannerisms and fashion sense. She tried to remember how he’d hurt her, she tried to be angry at him but all she could remember were the good bits; the laughing until she cried and the evenings in cuddled up in bed watching rubbish films. Lily swore out loud then out of habit apologised to the empty room. She was sat in the famous ‘quiet room’, one corner had small beds, another colouring pencils, memory games and other individual activities. Along the other side of the room was a long bookcase with soft cushions scattered around it. The whole room was decorated in calm blues and greens. As Lily admired the room she looked down to where she was sitting and with a wry smile she wondered why it was that every time Aiden Blackwell messed with her head she ended up on a bean bag.
The next morning Aiden found himself staring up at Cavendary’s. He too couldn’t help but be entranced by the beautiful simplicity of it; large as it was it didn’t feel imposing. In fact everything about the place screamed out Lily’s style. It looked more like a cosy home than a nursery. The front garden was alive with winter plants and he could smell the scent of lavender in the air. He followed the path up to the front door which was dark wood with a large brass knocker in the middle. He noticed a doorbell set at about his knee height, perfect for young children. Aiden chose the knocker not wanting to draw too much attention too his arrival. The door was opened by a short, plump girl with a pretty face.
“Welcome to Cavendary’s, can I help you?”
She had a warm South African accent, a rarity in the Highlands, but she looked slightly wary as to why he was there, a young man without a child. He searched his head for an excuse but in the end decided that the truth with a touch of charm was probably the best route. Aiden prided himself on his charm.
“I’m an old friend of Lily’s and a teacher at the local primary school, I’ve heard so much about Lily’s nursery that I just had to see it for myself. Of course if I’d known how beautiful Lily’s staff were I would have visited years ago.”
The girl, whose name badge identified her as Crystal, visibly preened and went from cautious to overly helpful. She pointed Aiden in the direction of what she called the Van Gough room where, she said, he’d find Lils, before correcting herself and referring to Lily as Lady Stafford.
“Sorry, it’s just she insists we call her Lily or Lils but I know most people would disapprove of the familiarity. Loads of the oldies round here still remember the old duchess, apparently she insisted on being called Her Grace, that is when she took the effort to talk to people. I’ll never understand the whole British nobility thing but Lily she’s so nice, and so normal.”
Crystal stopped suddenly aware she had been rambling, but Aiden was desperate to hear every word, wanting to find out what he’d missed the last 8 years and more importantly wanting knowledge he could use to win Lily. The little that Crystal had given him gave him hope that Lily hadn’t changed much; he would have hated to see her turned snob. But aware that Crystal was done talking, and probably wasn’t capable of answering Aiden’s many questions anyway he said his thank you and followed her directions.
The corridor walls were covered in pictures of the nursery children and staff; in the snow, covered head to toe in paint, having picnics, opening Christmas presents and dressed up as everything from princesses to donkeys to Christmas trees.
His eyes rested on a photo of Lily, she was pregnant and stood outside Cavendary’s. Her eyes were shining and the man with his arm around her looked down at her with pride. The caption underneath read, “William and I on opening day” Aiden looked away in a hurry, he didn’t want to see the man who had married Lily nor the look of pure happiness and security that he’d occasionally seen flickers of when Lily was his, inevitably he had always said or done something to extinguish it before it could truly take hold.
He hurried the rest of the way down the corridor, not wanting to see more images of Lily over the years changing from the girl he’d known to the woman who had picked her son up yesterday. Instead he concentrated on the rooms he was passing. The Van Gough room was the third on the left but he couldn’t help but look for signs of Lily’s influence in all the rooms he passed; the quiet room, The Mozart room, The Olivier room, the cyber zone. When Aiden finally arrived at the Van Gough room he couldn’t help be a little curious as to the rooms he had not yet seen. For a moment Aiden considered carrying on down the corridor exploring Cavendary’s fully, then the sound of laughter emanated from the Van Gough room. It was the same laughter which had shocked him in the playground, but was also the same laughter that had made his insides flutter eight years ago. That laughter was the main reason he’d muttered the words “I love you” despite his overwhelming desire not to all those years ago.
The door was half open so Aiden entered the room without being noticed. It was the sort of chaos only Lily could consider organised. In one corner a bewildered looking girl of about 16, probably a work experience student, watched a tall, efficient woman of about 70 move around a group of infants fashioning things out of clay. As she did so she dropped pearls of wisdom such as “I wouldn’t eat that Flora, clay tastes horrid and so will the medicine Auntie Lily will give you.” And “Giraffes have long necks, elephants have trunks Harry to my knowledge no animal has both.”
A man of about 20 who looked a good deal like Lily could do nothing but laugh as one of his group managed to cover herself head to foot in green glitter and another actually pasted his hand to his papier-mâché bowl. Another burst of laughter drew Aiden’s attention away from these bizarre tableaux and on to Lily.
She was surrounded by children whose hands and feet were covered in paint. Aiden thought Lily looked happier and prettier than he had ever seen her. He watched her showing an arresting raven-haired little girl how to make butterflies with her hands and encouraging a group of boys to dance around making patterns with their feet. She too had her trousers rolled up and her hands and feet covered in red paint, she had also somehow managed to get a blob of yellow paint on her nose.
Watching her she looked like a woman living her dreams. Perhaps this was her dream, Aiden realized he’d never asked or even wondered about Lily’s dreams before. She had always just been a wonderfully preocuupying part of his present, her future had never been his concern. Lily, of course, hadn’t taken the same view. Not only had she been interested in his future and his dreams, she had actively helped to shape them. Whatever else Aiden chose to forget he could never forget that it was because of Lily that he was treading his current path in life.
It had been a long summer and not a very impressive one. The wettest in 70 years they claimed on the radio. As Lily looked out on to the lake which had previously been a car park outside her office she failed to see how the news stry could be a revelation to anyone. After a month and a half of her current summer job Lily swore thst she would never pursue a career which involved her spending days in an office like this, her computer, her desk, her pile of work, her monotonous lack of challenges. She watched the clock creep towards half twelve and her lunch hour. At about 12.25, unable to take anymore, Lily stood up and left. As she walked out she knew her fellow collegues were dispprovingly remarking on her lack of dedication, bad time keeping and cheekiness, and all it did was make her smile. Every day she left that office feeling as if she had just escape torture and kicked herself everyday for going back to it again.
In fact the only thing that kept Lily going through the day was her new boyfriend. She laughed even to think about it, when she’d first met him she’d been entirely unimpressed by his whole attitude and approach to winning her over, and now she hated to go a few hours without some sort of communication with him. Everything about Aiden Blackwell broke her dating rules:
1, Never get into a long distance relationship- Lily had once turned down a man from Reading on the basis it was too far from Bournemouth, Now she was calling a man who lived over one hundred miles away her boyfriend.
2, Always be the one in control- Lily was so used to being cool and calm in the face of people’s emotions and attraction. But Aiden, he always needed to feel he was in control, she could sense it was the only way he felt safe, and so she had given up control to him entirely.
3, Never trust a man who spends more time doing his hair than you do- but as she’d watched him sculpting every strand of hair as she lay still snuggled up in bed she’d rationalised that he did look very good so maybe it was worth the extra time.
The relationship had always been difficult; both of them were dedicated to their degree courses, and had very active social lives, so finding the time for one another was hard. But two months in to the relationship they were managing it, seeing each other every weekend and running up horrendously large phone bills. The first weekend they spent together they hadn’t even left the house, he’d been horrified to find himself revealing his entire family history whilst she played with his hair, she’d been equally disconcerted to find herself telling him about how inferior she has always felt to her family and friends whilst she aimed and threw malteasers into his mouth across the room.
Things were different now though, Aiden had got a summer job that involved a lot of travelling around the UK and Lily had her job which kept her tied down to one place, they barely saw each other, and it was hard.
That was another reason Lily was always desperate for her lunch hour to come around. Aiden never failed to ring her and when he did he made her laugh, and put everything in a new light. She could walk back into the office with a smile and not feel the urge to scream. Lily was startled out of her reverie by her phone vibrating in her pocket she laughed at herself and her rush to answer it not wanting to waste a second.
She could tell just from his hello that something was not quite right.
“What’s on your mind dear? I can tell something’s wrong?”
His hesitation was only fractional, there was nothing he didn’t tell Lily.
“My boss, he’s offered me a full time job, the pay is good, and he’s practically guaranteed me a prompotion within a couple of years. But it would mean not going back to university, and never being a teacher.”
Lily wasn’t suprised, Aiden seemed to be a natural at his current job but at the same time she never imagined he’d ever give any consideration to any suggestion he make a career out of it, Aiden was a born teacher, she knew that and she though he had too.
“Aiden, this time three years ago you were in a job you hated and the only thing you wanted to do was be a teacher. You have told me over again how you love children and they love you. On top of that you’ve also told me how much you want stability in your life do you really think you can get that in a job where you are moving to a different part of the country every couple of months.”
“I know but I’m 24 Lily, I wont finish university til I’m 27, and i will be in debt for the forseeable future. I’m scared, and whilst this is not my dream job it’s safe and it promises me a future.”
Lily sigh said everything, “ You have a future, and safety and you don’t need this job for that Aiden.”
Unsaid but understood by both was, you have a future and you have safety with me. Less than an hour later Aiden politely told his boss that he couldn’t take the job offer and he would be returning to university in September.
Aiden had no doubts that if it wasn’t for Lily he would have taken that job and left university. He also had no doubts that he would have regretted it for his entire life, teaching was what he was born to do, he knew it and Lily had known it even before he had. It cut him to the core that he had never asked her about her dreams, when she had told him she knew what she wanted from life he had only joked, “you don’t need a degree to work in Topshop.” Now that he wanted to know everything about her life, thoughts and feelings she was no longer his, he had no right to ask.
As these thoughts ran through his mind Lily looked up and noticed him. The laughter on her face and in her eyes died at the sight of him replaced momentarily with confusion and pain which quickly harden and he could visibly see a wall go up around her against him. Unable to bear being the cause behind that look Aiden turned around and left ignoring both Lily calling his name and Crystal’s look of utter confusion.
Later Lily watched the rise and fall of her husband's chest as he slept. To her he was beautiful, he was everything she had hoped for and more than she would ever believe she deserved. Even lying in their bed thinking about another man seemed like cheating, but every time she closed her eyes he was there. The look in he eyes when she had caught him watching her in the nursery, it was the same way he used to look at her before everything had changed. Part of her wanted to wake William up and tell him everything, he knew about Aiden, he had witness the effect Aiden used to have on her. How could she though? Aiden was, after all, the only thing that had ever come between her and William and part of her wondered if he still held some resentment towards Aiden, the man who had ruined her before he came along. Even the first day they had met it was the memory of Aiden that had filled every inch of her.
She had decided she would go to the theatre often, it was cathartic in a way, she would watch those beautiful scenes of joy and tragedy played out before her and she could cry and her heart would bleed and would come out feeling that little bit better. For someone who couldn't find a modicum of beauty in herself when she looked in the mirror Lily easily found beauty in everything around her. That night she was going to see Sawn Lake, alone, she always went alone not able to bear the thought of anyone she knew witnessing her self-indulgent display of emotion. She had been excited about this evening since she had booked the ticket weeks ago Excitement was a rare thing for Lily these days, as was any positive emotion, so it had meant all that much more to her that she was excited. As she let the music of the orchestra wash over her and waited for the production to begin she scanned the audience through her binoculars, watching the people take their seats, couples and families, it made her feel unutterably alone. Suddenly she saw Him searching for his seat in the dress circle below her. Of course at the time she was unaware that we would turn out to be Him with a capital H, he was just another man in the audience but he did catch her eye because he also appeared to be alone. Just then the curtain rose and he was no longer the object of Lily's attention. They met for the first time during the interval, Lily banged into him whilst on her way to purchase a bottle of water in the lobby. She watched, mortified, as full glass of red wine was relocated , in what seemed like slow motion, on to his crisp white shirt.
“I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. Pleas forgive, I'll-”
“It's OK, it happens to the best of us. Enjoy the rest of the production.”
And that was it, he walked off one way and she the other. She thought, how kind, and he thought, how beautiful, but neither thought anything beyond that. But apparently fate wasn't letting Lily off that easily.
On stage the prince begged Odile's forgiveness whilst the other swans protected her. In her seat on the balcony Lily leant over the railing as far as she dared captivated by the beauty which so vividly portrayed a bitter-sweet tableau of heartache. In her rapture Lily lost grip on the programme in her hand. She watched horrified as it fell, finally landing unceremoniously in the lap of the same man she had earlier drenched in red wine.
Stunned at the programme which appeared to have fallen from the sky into his lap the man with the pink stained shirt looked up, and as their eyes met Lily could feel embarrassment pinking her cheeks. Her embarrassment was increased by the laughter that filled the man's eyes when he recognized that the owner of the programme was the same person responsible for his ruined shirt. Lily hastily indicated that she would meet him in the lobby after the performance then quickly turned her attention back to the stage desperate to keep the embarrassment to a minimum. The man continued to watch her for five minutes willing her to look back down at him, when she didn't he eventually looked back to the stage, not really seeing the performance, but wondering how he was going to prolong his meeting with the girl on the balcony for as long as possible.
As it happened the man in the wine-stained shirt need not to have worried for fate stepped in yet again and prolonged their meeting, and ensured they would meet again.
He stood in the foyer by the bar tapping his fingertips against the programme he held in his hand whilst his eyes constantly raked the masses of people pushing their way out of the staircase down from the balcony, it was for this reason he noticed Lily before she saw him. He didn't think she was pretty in a conventional sense, but he couldn't come to any conclusion why this was as all her features were attractive enough he came to the conclusion it was the dejected apparently defeated air that hung around her, despite not thinking she was pretty he still thought she was beautiful, two words that until now he had considered to be synonymous. There was something familiar about her, he wasn't sure why but he felt he'd met her before. Before he could think any more about where he had seen her before she noticed him and began moving towards him.
As she stood in front of him Lily felt her embarrassment rising again but put it aside and held out her hand to shake his, “Hi I'm Lily-”
“Cavendary!” The look of bewilderment on Lily's face made him laugh, a loud, genuine laugh that left Lily looking even more bewildered, “Sorry, I'm William Athernay I'm-”
“Teddy's older brother!”
William started laughing again, “Finishing each other sentences already are we?”
Lily remembered Edward Athernay, he had been in her school, in her boarding house and despite the fact he'd been three years her junior they had been good friends. She had listened and advised when he'd fallen head over heels in love with a girl who wasn't interested, and he had tried to teach her how to play the guitar a brave attempt which was always doomed to failure as Lily had the musical ability of a gnat. She had met his older brother once at a rugby game, she remembered thinking he was impossibly handsome, as if he had stepped out a highly-air brushed magazine photograph. Lily was surprised to find that she still found him so attractive. She had been sure that after Aiden she wouldn't find another man remotely good looking, in her melodrama she had planned a life for herself as a loveless spinster caring for orphans, she couldn't help but laugh at the thought. They must have looked quite strange to those passing around them, both of them laughing, and Lily looking almost surprised at the sound of her own laughter.
“How is Teddy?” Lily regretted that Teddy and herself were not on the same good terms they use to be, after he had got over his infatuation he had felt the need to spend less time with Lily, he outgrew his crutch and made friends his own age but Lily never resented him for it. However, recently when no one had been able to pull her out of her inertia she had thought of Teddy and how he had always made her laugh, now it appeared his older brother could do the same.
From the look on William's face he was wondering why the two no longer spoke but he had the wisdom not to ask and merely said, “He is well, he's at Kestrellian Castle for the Christmas holidays I'm going back tomorrow night, my father died last March so it is going to be a strange Christmas without him” William's voice trailed off as he contemplated the many future events where his father would be absent.
Lily stayed quiet for a while not wanting to intrude upon William's thought or obvious grief, eventually she looked up straight into his eyes and spoke with obvious sincerity, '”I'm sorry, I met your dad once, he was really nice.” It seemed inadequate but it was all she could think to say, then with a cheeky smile she attempted to lighten his mood, “does this mean I have to call you Your Grace?”
William smiled back, “Please don't I've only just managed to break the housekeeper of the habit....just call me The Duke.” He tried to hold a lofty expression but couldn't keep it for more than a couple of seconds before he dissolved into laughter.
If anyone asked her today what she felt like when she agreed to meet William for lunch before he went home for Christmas she would say that she knew it was right, and even sensed they had a long future together. Actually when William asked her she first thought about Aiden and what she'd do if, no she was sure it was when, he came back, Lunch she decided couldn't hurt anyone.
It hadn't hurt anyone but it had changed Lily's life and lying here next to her husband she couldn't regret it. Over and over in her head Lily fought the battle with herself pushing down thought of Aiden with her new mantra, “Will is the love of my life.”
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